1 in 4 of us will experience some kind of mental health problem at some point in our lives, but shamefully it still carries a massive stigma. People who have some kind of mental illness are often labelled by their diagnosis and stereotyped, both by the general public ''schizophrenic murderer'' and proffessionals '' oh god not another personality disorder''. Mental health plays a huge part of my life and I absolutely HATE the stigma so I've asked a few lovely ladies to help me write some posts about their experience of mental health.
In my first post the lovely Sally is talking about depression.
Depression is one of the most common mental health problems in the UK, it's something you've probably heard of and probably know a lot about so I wont explain it, but if you'd like to know a little bit more about depression please click here for a link to the nhs website. Let us know what you think in a comment after you've read, if you'd like to get involved please send me an email: hannah@baileycakeblog.com But for now, on to Sally...
Everyone experiences depression slightly differently, so what's your experience? How would you describe it?
Five years ago I married a man who I later found to be both emotionally and physically abusive. Gradually, the constant put downs and jibes that I was subjected to on a daily basis took their toll. I stopped believing in myself and had zero confidence.
Finally, after his sixth infidelity, I found the strength from somewhere to say enough was enough. Waving the white flag after just 18 months was humiliating, difficult and downright terrifying. Who wants to be a divorcee at 26? But I left him. It was the best decision I ever made.
Picking up the pieces, I hadn't realised at the time just how much psychological damage this guy had done. I’d allowed myself to be bullied for such a long time that I felt completely limp. This was the start of a downwards spiral.
What's it like on your worst day?
Before I started taking medication I would experience waves of despair. I was always tired, but found sleeping difficult. I would lie awake for hours churning things over in my mind. I went through phases of losing my appetite, or else comfort eating. I contemplated suicide a few times and generally wallowed in feelings of self-deprecation, loneliness and misery. I lost all motivation for my work and friends, preferring to stay at home alone than speak to anyone. I didn’t open up about my feelings because it felt too overwhelming. I stopped washing my hair and wearing make-up. I would go to work wearing jeans t-shirts and trainers. I would drink too much when I did go out, and become boisterous and out of control.
Once I started taking the medication, everything became hazy. I could finally sleep again, and the feelings of despair and suicide stopped, but I just felt apathetic towards everything. I felt no joy, no excitement, no passion or interest. My creativity suffered enormously. The anti-depressants did the job of cutting out the intense low moods, but they left me hovering in the middle. Looking back on it now I was just a shell. A non-person.
How did you get a diagnosis and what services do you use if any?
My behaviour was getting erratic. A combination of lack of sleep, binge drinking, low moods and too much partying caused problems with my group of friends. I’d gone off the rails, and instead of supporting me, some of them turned against me. Eventually it was the sleep deprivation that drove me to see my doctor. He asked me a few questions and was very quick to suggest anti-depressants. I didn’t jump at the chance. I was very suspicious of medication and knew I would only take it as a last resort. But by that point I was so tired I would try anything to get some sleep.
The first tablet he prescribed gave me the most intense heartburn of my life. It was awful, radiating from my throat right the way through to my back. That was a real low point. I went straight back and he changed my prescription to Sertraline.
I don’t believe that medication should be used alone. I needed something to take the edge off in the short term, but I knew I had a lot of work to do on my mind to improve my mental health in the long-term. So I asked for counselling. I was surprised that my GP was reluctant to offer it. Eventually though he was persuaded, but I was only offered four sessions. I sat in a room with a very nice hippy who told me how ‘brave’ and ‘strong’ I was. It really didn’t wash and I left the sessions feeling demotivated and frustrated.
Eventually it was meeting my (now ex) boyfriend that helped put me back on the road to recovery. He saw beyond the depression, and gently and patiently brought me back from the dead. He guided me through the tumultuous experience of weaning myself off the tablets, supported me through many erratic episodes and gave me pep talks whenever I needed them, night or day. Things didn’t work out for us in the end, but we are still friends, and I will always be grateful to him for his support at that time.
How do you help yourself? Do you have any techniques you use to improve your mental health?
When you’re in the middle of a depressive episode, everything is so foggy and hazy that it’s almost impossible to think about things objectively. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and what I’ve learnt from my experience of depression is that I need to use my periods of clarity wisely, to build a ‘crash pad’ of coping mechanisms which will break my fall if I ever start feeling low again. I didn’t have these in place five years ago, and that’s why things got as bad as I did.
These coping mechanisms come in many forms. They might be longer-term projects involving positive thinking, that gradually start to shift your state of mind, or they can be ‘quick wins’ that perk you up when you start to feel down.
My biggest change was to stop drinking completely. As long as my emotions were so erratic, I knew alcohol wouldn’t help. I stopped drinking for three months while I worked on my mental health, and it was the best choice I made on my road to recovery.
I also realised that I had to address my friendships with people. I cut out the people who had turned against me, and surrounded myself with those who I knew would support me.
Other long-term projects have included taking pleasure out of life. Being a participant rather than an observer. I’ve done so many cool things over the past two years and have developed a number of new hobbies. Likewise, making an active choice to choose your attitude each morning, and trying to look for the positive in everything really does help.
My best friend also gave me her ‘gratitude stone’ to borrow for six months. She told me to hold the stone every morning, look in the mirror and name all the things I was grateful for. I find this sort of thing a bit sentimental, but I had nothing to lose and gave it a try. I found it really helped to give me perspective, and to start the day in the right way.
And then there are the quick wins. Granted, lighting a scented candle or having a bubble bath won’t fix things, but it’s a good place to start.
Some of my quick wins include:
- Inviting a friend round for afternoon tea
- Reading Eat, Pray, Love
- Lighting a Yankee wax melt (use a fragrance that reminds you of something nice, like 'freshly mown lawn', 'evening air' or 'fresh cotton')
- Going to the cinema (a lot) to distract myself from negative thoughts
- Recording my thoughts in a pretty journal
- Eating chocolate
- Buying things that make me happy
- Visiting museums
- Using the Sleep Pillow app (Simple, yet effective. It plays white noise to help you go to sleep. You can listen to pattering rain, blowing wind, thunder, the sea lapping against the shore and lots of others. Works like magic.)
And importantly, the things to avoid:
- Cigarettes
- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Negative people
- Procrastination
- Nights in alone
- Sad music or films
What advice would you have for someone who suffers from a low mood / depression?
First of all it’s important to realise the difference between low mood and depression. We all go through difficult periods, but running to the doctor should not be the first thing you do.
If I’m feeling low, I allow myself to wallow for a bit. It’s important to explore your feelings of sadness and not avoid them. Spend 30 minutes with your sadness before actively trying to distract yourself or change your mindset. Acknowledge it, embrace it, discard it and move on.
Also, I don’t think anyone should resign themselves to depression. Someone once said to me, “well, my mum suffers from depression, so it was inevitable that I would too.” I’ve taken anti-depressants in the past and I hope to never do it again. I’ve put the mechanisms in place to avoid that. It’s important to take responsibility for your own self-preservation.
If there's anything else you'd like to add please pop it below :
I should probably say here that I don’t believe I have ever suffered from ‘depression’ in the clinical sense. I also believe that doctors are far too quick to dish out medication for people with low moods, and are happy to keep people on anti-depressants for far too long. Some people genuinely do have a chemical imbalance which requires medicating, but for those with a low mood, medication should be a last resort, and in my opinion should only be used in conjunction with therapy. To an extent, tablets do play a role in alleviating the symptoms of low mood/depression, but they don’t address the cause. I believe that too many people see them as a crutch, without addressing their mental health in a more proactive way. Recovering from low moods/depression takes a lot of work. You can’t throw a pill at it and make it go away. Tablets can help to put you on a more level ground, but that’s where the real work starts, strengthening your mind in the same way you would go to the gym to improve your body.
We should never take our mental health for granted, and whether we’re depressed or not, it’s important not to neglect our minds. If I can possibly help it I would never go back on anti-depressants. They weren’t right for me. Instead, I try to rely on the tools within me to pick myself up and ensure that I never go back to that dark place.
